Walking in Righteousness

Los Angeles Stake

Women's Conference

May 11, 2013

Thank you for making it such a success.  We collected 1143 pairs of shoes for the charity, 

"Soles for Souls". 

Anna Rolapp presented her beautiful quilt.  When it is finished we will all be 

able to view it in our ward Relief Societies.  

And I have had many requests for Heather Shannon's talk in "Inner Beauty".  

True beauty is not what strikes mankind, but that which pleases God

​Heather Vandeweghe Shannon

Today we will see many beautiful things. We will learn ways to enhance our appearancesthrough make-up, clothing and accessories. But the most beautiful things we will encounter today are the smiles of our sweet sisters, the warm greetings, the loving touches, the listening ear, and the kind words. These expressions of our spirits are God’s definition of beauty.

As I thought about my interpretation of what inner beauty is, I began to ask friends and acquaintances what they thought it was. What is it about a human (and I had to say human to stop people from talking about their beloved cat or dog) that makes you say “that person has inner beauty” or “they really are a good person”. The answers were diverse and interesting. I heard things like: they really listen when you talk, they have a quiet sense ofpeace, they are nice to everyone no matter who they are, they have generosity in doing for others, they have confidence in themselves, they seem to find joy in living, they seem to know where they are headed in life, they have love of Jesus Christ shining through them,they respect all people, they have a good sense of humor.

Sister Elaine Dalton describes her perception of Sister Hinckley, President Hinckley’s wife, when she first met her “Hers was a beauty that cannot be purchased. It came from years of seeking the best gifts, becoming well educated, seeking knowledge by study and also by faith. It came from years of hard work, of faithfully enduring trials with optimism, trust, strength and courage. It came from her unwavering devotion and fidelity to her husband, her family and the Lord.” Sister Dalton shows that inner beauty is developed over time, through hard work and endurance.

A dear friend of mine stated it this way “Inner beauty seems be the love of Jesus Christ shining through a woman or a man. A person who has found a connection with God through Jesus feels deeply loved and trusts that nothing, except perhaps her own choice, can separate her from that love.”

I found the definitions of Inner Beauty were a bit different for every person, but they all seemed to be qualities and characteristics of Jesus; loving, compassionate, knowing who he was and secure in who he was, and having a close relationship with his Heavenly Father.

I then asked a follow up question – “How do you recognize inner beauty? What behaviors do you see in a person that gives you the feeling he or she has a beautiful soul? The answers to this question seemed to be more uniform as I heard similar answers from the diverse group of people I asked. They smile, they are happy with who they are, they are kind to others and they smile a lot (I know I said that twice, but you’ll see why later)

I would like to go over each of these traits SELF CONFIDENCE, LOVE FOR OTHERS AND HAPPINESS, explain why they are important, how we can better express these characteristics and how each of us can develop our own inherit inner beauty.

I will begin with self-confidence. Certainly I do not mean being full of one’s self or haughty, but rather a person who knows and accepts who they are, and someone who is happy and content with who they are. Having respect for one’s self is part of God’s great commandments; Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself. Perhaps Heavenly father could have given more specific directions:

1st “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”

2. Thou shalt love thyself

3. Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself

In order to love another person, to really accept them and serve them, you need to be content and happy with whom you are. Only then can you avoid any jealousy or comparison which might taint your actions and words. If you judge yourself against others, making it a competition of sorts, it will be very difficult to serve and love another person – not impossible, but difficult and certainly not done with quite as much shining light seen as inner beauty. Be careful not to compare yourself to others. No matter where you are or who you are with, there will always be someone with more or less wealth, more or less family (or more or less crazy family members), less or more success, smarter, funnier, shorter, luckier, healthier, better hair. Although we may not seem “equal” we are all equally important.

Don’t compare yourself to others. In pageants, there is only one declared the fairest of them all, but with the Lord there is no competition. All have an equal privilege to have His image engraven upon their countenance. Focus on becoming your best self. If you need a comparison, a healthy one is comparing who you are now with who you can become.

And how do you become your best self? As you learn to respect yourself you will make good choices about your behavior and appearance. The way you dress, use make-up, speak, and behave all are a reflections of your respect of yourself and your body. Modesty is an outward sign and requirement for inward beauty. In this day and age it is often difficult to stand true to your values, but we must continue to make choices we will later fell good about, choices which will strengthen our moral purity. Sister Elaine Dalton said in a talk “you must have the courage to stand out, to arise and shine forth, that your light may be a standard for all nations”. When I was a teenager, President Hinckley gave some excellent counsel when he said: “Be clean in dress and manner…. The age in which we are living now has become an age of sloppy dress and sloppy manners. But I am not so concerned about what you wear as I am that it be clean. … Be sure of you personal cleanliness.” Remember that you will be judged in part by your cleanliness and neatness in appearanceand behaviors. If you can stand true to your values, you will find more joy in who you are and others will notice the light of Christ peeking through.

The Personnel Progress program designed for the young women promotes inner beauty.We can all learn from the simple truths presented under the topics of Faith, Divine Nature, Individual worth, Knowledge, Choice and accountability, Good works, Integrity, andVirtue. I would suggest you get one of these books and work on those things which may help you to feel better about yourself. It may be improving your dress or make-up, it may be educating yourself, it may be getting physically fit, or it may be improving your knowledge of the gospel. Yes, it takes work. Nothing worthwhile is easy. So put in the effort to strengthen all your talents so that you might find more joy in who you are.

Heavenly Father stresses over and over again how important each one of us is to him. He calls us his children, each one of us. Although we have people who are called to serve special positions within the church or on earth, this is their gift or talent; no greater or lesser than your gifts or talents, and you are just as important to God. You are special; you have gifts and talents that are unique, and given just to you. In Doctrine and Covenants 46:11 it reads “For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.” It is not for you to judge or decide if the talents or gifts Heavenly Father gave you are good or not – they are yours and they are special, making you special. Believe that dear sisters, each of you are so very special and important to God’s plan. We all have short comings, we all have good and bad within us, and most importantly each of us have a sweet spirit given to us by our Heavenly Father.

Look in the mirror. Think about your best qualities – you may be kind, a hard worker, a good friend, funny. Whatever your abilities, you are blessed with important talents, a unique personality and a purpose for you life. As you learn to be content with who you are, you will find yourself with more joy and happiness and this inner peace will emanate from you.

Knowing who you are and where you are headed can help you to be content with yourself. In the children’s story “The Ugly Duckling”, the young fledgling is unhappy because he does not look or act like the other ducks. He runs away, unhappy with his life until he finds others like him. Just like this baby swan, when we don’t realize who we are or where we are going we can feel lost and unhappy. But once we know who we are (a child of God) and the plan that is laid out for us, we gain confidence, strength and inner worth. The choice is ours; we can to choose to be close to our Heavenly Father, we can to choose to live up to the divine potential that lies within us. Knowing where we came from, the true purpose of our lives here on earth and what lies ahead for us, helps us to be more content with who we are.

Having this self confidence is an important goal, one our Heavenly Father wants for us. Through gospel understanding and adherence to the commandments, we can feel the inner peace and security which then translates to self confidence.

Genuine acceptance of others is another common quality seen from those demonstrating inner beauty. I think Heavenly Father gave us all different physical features so that we would learn the importance of looking past these physical features and getting to know someone’s spirit. In the book The Shack written by William Paul Young, about a troubled man who spends 3 days in a shack with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, the protagonist remarks to Jesus “I just thought you’d be better looking”. Jesus responds “By whose standards? Anyway, once you really get to know me, it won’t matter to you”. It is the soul of the person that is important, their beliefs, their values, their actions, not their physical appearance.

My mother often played an album in our home entitled Up With People. One of the songs points out the beauty of seeing beyond looks. I would like to read the chorus and one verse from this song:

Up, up with people
You meet them wherever you go
Up, up with people
They're the best kind of folks we know
If more people were for people
All people everywhere
There'd be a lot less people to worry about And a lot more people who care .

Inside everybody
There's some bad and there's some good
But don't let anybody
Start attacking peoplehood 
Love them as they are
And hope for them to be
Great men and great women
As God meant them to be.

God has given each person their characteristics and traits for a reason. He sees good in everyone and we should also. If we can be accepting of all people, if we can look past outward appearances and get to know the person, we can then learn how we could really serve them and show them kindness.

Think about how you feel when someone looks you in the eye and seems to be truly listening to what you say; quietly listening but actively engaged. Did you not think “wow, this person is really kind or compassionate”. Showing respect towards others, letting them know they are important and valued, is a beautiful thing to do. Being able to do this withanyone, no matter who they are, is a wonderful expression of the spirit or of inner beauty. One of the young women I spoke to described inner beauty as “being nice to everyone, no matter who they are”. Seeing a person being kind to or doing something for another person, often makes us believe that person has a good spirit.

Our motto in Relief Society is charity to all – not just to your friends or colleagues, not just to those who have less that you, not just to those who may be able to pay you back, but toall. In Moroni 7:47 it states “Charity is the pure love of Christ”. Acts of charity, no matter how small, are an expression of our inner beauty.

So this second characteristic of inner beauty, kindness to all, starts with accepting others for who they are, getting to really know them and then performing acts of kindness. This is certainly within our control, though it may take time and effort. We must work on it daily, incorporating it into our every day life, and allow our inner beauty to shine brighter and brighter.

One of the early reflexes an newborn has is a smile. You can often see a one or two week old smile in their sleep. It is the only reflex that doesn’t seem to have a survival purpose – but boy is it endearing to the infant’s parents – they know after seeing this smile that their baby has the sweetest spirit. God knew what he was doing when he gave infants this sleeping smile. And the first developmental milestone for socialization we pediatricians look for is the social smile, occurring at about 3-4 months of age. Again, this smile from babies gives parent and others such joy. So I ask, don’t you think Heavenly Father felt smiles are great.

A smile is a refection of what is going on inside you, of the beauty in you soul. Let it shine, let it show often. A smile brightens a room, it communicates friendship, love and optimism. And you choose how often you wear that smile, no matter the circumstance, no matter yourmood, a smile always beautifies. No amount of eye shadow, mascara or lipstick can possibly compete with the natural attractiveness of a genuine smile. At bedtime after prayers, my mother always left the room saying “Have happy dreams, and put a smile on you face”. When she was interviewed during her heh day, she was asked what is your best beauty secret. And her response was “smile as you fall asleep”. She believed that wearing a smile as you go to sleep naturally made you prettier.

I believe a smile not only brightens your appearance but really makes you happier and being more happy generally leads to more smiling. What a wonderful vicious cycle to be in.So smile a lot, it is the most important thing you can wear.

I believe happiness is a choice. One of the lessons our Heavenly Father wants us to discover is that we have far more control over our happiness than we think. We can choose to see the glass half empty or half full. During the trial of Lehi’s sons, Lamen, Lemuel and Nephi, all three endured the same hardships and were in the same situations. But Nephi enjoyed happiness – why? His faith, hope and optimism led him to be happy. A pure and grateful heart will bring you peace and happiness and your challenges won’t seem as troubling. Recently a woman in our ward bore her testimony, telling about an experience where her car broke down ... and how grateful she was that it happened in safe place and when she had time to deal with it. Everything worked out great was how she saw it. She told this story with a smile and a bit of laughter in her voice. How many of us would have told that story that way? A few. But how many of us could have told the story that way? All of us. We all could have told the story with joy in our voice. Even with more difficult situations we need to remember that Jesus has borne our sorrows, atoned for our sins, so we might have joy. When trials come, the wise choose happiness. They are lovely people to be around.

Find your sense of humor. If you look at life and the predicaments we get ourselves into, you might find them hilarious. Laugh at yourself and laugh with others. I know God has a sense of humor, just look at giraffes.

I would like to share with you a poem my mother read at BYU’s centennial celebration in 1975. She kept a copy of this poem by her bed and it was such a part of her that we read it at her memorial. After I had written most of this talk and was working on the summary, I remembered her reciting parts of this at times to remind us children what was truly important. So I pulled it our and re-read it and I feel it incorporates the important concepts I have spoken about.

(Reading only the underlined parts)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy

What I have come to realize is that all of us have inner beauty; it is there within us. And I believe we all have the same amount of inner beauty. What differs is how we cultivate it and how often we choose to show it. Choose to show it often.

Smile often; this is a great place to start.

Respect yourself and see your value. Beauty is looking deep into your soul and knowing who you are inside. Learn to love the person you are.

Keep yourself spiritually attractive. You inherited your basic physical traits, but how you speak to others, dress and take care of your health is up to you.

Accept and love others, they too are God’s children and his joy. This will allow you to show charity more often. Start with simple things such as a kind word, a small gesture, listening carefully.

Be happy; find joy in life’s adventure. With a grateful heart treasure the gifts and challenges in this life. You will be amazed how each and every experience and trial has a funny twist.

And most importantly, smile. Take a moment now, turn to your neighbor and smile. (Pause) Doesn’t that feel good? It is so simple, yet so powerful.It brightens your face and allows your inner beauty to shine through your eyes.